He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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