god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
