So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
