I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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