No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
