Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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