i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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