You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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