I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize