so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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