and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
