Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
