I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
