so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
