Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
