That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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