i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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