"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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