you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
