i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
