you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
