I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
