he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
