its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
