How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
