A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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