No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
