when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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