I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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