youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
