I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
