I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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