I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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