So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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