okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
