Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Don't make out with my wife yet
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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