I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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