genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
