I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
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I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
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He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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