One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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