i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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