i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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