I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
