my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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