We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
