when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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