he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
cat food counts as protein by the way
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
