I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
