i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
