She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
