a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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