I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
