That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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