No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
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I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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