Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Shame - the story of my life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize