just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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