Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
