i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
