And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
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he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
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Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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