He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
