are you so shy because you have an std?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
