He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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