His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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