talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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