Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
