I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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