Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You have to summon your inner elephant
don't judge my taste in strippers
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
