The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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